Your Greatest Talents (article), and Thinking Traits for Achieving Excellence (video series)

Here is a link to my new article: http://www.thecoughlincompany.com/cc_vol14_5.php.

It’s the second part in my five-part series on Know Your Assets for Significance. It’s called, “Your Greatest Talents”.

Several people have asked me to write shorter articles more often. So I’m going to write a bi-weekly article on the 1st and 15th of each month.

Here’s a link to a new video series called Thinking Traits for Achieving Excellence: http://www.thecoughlincompany.com/videos-thinking-traits-teamwork.php.  It consists of five short videos ranging from 30 seconds to 5 minutes.

Here’s a link that gives a brief description of the five services I provide to clients: http://thecoughlincompany.com/coaching_mentoring.php.

Essentially, I work with business owners, executives, and managers on an individual and group basis to improve business performance in a sustainable way.

If you know of someone who you think could benefit from working with me, feel free to connect them to me directly and I will be glad to discuss his or her situation with the person. They can call or email me at 314/614-8622 or dan@thecoughlincompany.com

Parents, Children and Adults in the Workplace

For the sake of simplicity, let’s say there are four ways or styles to generate results. They are The Collaborator, The Driver, The Big Idea Person, and The Rules Follower.

The Collaborator wants to hear from the people in the group to uncover ideas and see if ideas can be combined to make a better decision.

The Driver wants to get to a solution as fast as possible and move into action. If The Driver feels he or she has come up with the answer, then this person will state the solution and move into action right away.

The Rules Follower wants to follow the written procedures that are in place. If there are no written procedures in place, then the first step for this person is to establish rules and procedures and structure to follow.

The Big Idea Person wants to land on a big idea that will really make a huge impact on other people. This person wants the group to move beyond the mundane and ordinary and focus on a game-changing new idea that will really matter in a big way.

All four approaches can be very effective. At times the other three styles can be really pleased that one of the styles is in charge at that moment. This is true for all four of these approaches to getting results.

The problems happen when one person expects everyone to follow his or her approach. That’s where Parents and Children come into play. Without realizing it, any of us can become extremely frustrated when a person uses a style that is completely the opposite of his or her approach. Imagine a Parent and a Child getting into a fight. Without realizing it we can be in a meeting or a conversation and the drama unfolds just as it sometimes does between a Parent and a Child. We subconsciously become the Parent or the Child and the problems pop.

If the person in charge of a project is The Driver, then The Collaborator could become very frustrated that there was no input gathered from the members of the group and feel that the fast actions are going to lead into problems that could have been foreseen if everyone’s input had been considered, The Rules Follower could be upset if any procedures were skipped, and The Big Idea Person could be upset that the solution seems so mundane.

If the person in charge of a project is The Collaborator, then the other three types of people might get really frustrated that there is too much discussion and too little action and things seem to be moving too slowly.

If the person in charge of a project is The Rules Follower, then the other three types might feel the project is bogged down by existing procedures and structure.

If the person in charge of a project is The Big Idea Person, then the other three types might be frustrated by the lack of a plan and attention to details.

Being frustrated is okay. Being enraged or completely shutting down is not okay. We get frustrated when we subconsciously feel like a child being talked to or controlled by an adult or we feel like an adult talking to a child who won’t do things the way we want them to do it. Then we fight back for our style to be used more.

The Driver might say to The Collaborator, “Hurry up. Let’s get to a decision or I’m moving ahead without you.”

The Collaborator might say to The Driver, “Stop doing everything your way and listen to the rest of us.”

The Rules Follower might say to The Big Idea Person, “Come down from the sky and stick to a plan.”

The Big Idea Person might say to The Rules Follower, “Stop getting stuck in the procedures and details and let’s make a real impact in the world.”

In all four cases, the person has fallen into either the Child mode or the Parent mode and sees the other person as a Child or a Parent. Then the person attacks back or shuts down and the productive meeting is over.

The great challenge is to move out of Child mode or Parent mode and into Adult mode. As an Adult, respect the other person’s style and then address it in a calm, respectful manner.

Driver to Collaborator: “We will set aside 25 minutes for open discussion so everyone who wants to give input can, and then we will make a decision. We will collaborate, but within a time limit.”

Collaborator to Driver: “I will listen to your whole solution, and then I will organize my response and give it to you when you’re all done.”

Big Idea Person to Rules Follower: “After we discuss the big idea, we will work together to make sure we are following existing rules and procedures as we make it a reality.”

Rules Follower to Big Idea Person: “We will look at all the existing rules and procedures and see if any need to be reconsidered or voted on again in order to help make this big idea into a reality.”

In Adult mode, we look to support the other person’s style while still staying true to ourselves and we do it in a respectful manner. Staying in Adult mode can allow meetings to become much more effective and productive.

Adult meetings might just not be as dramatic, theatrical, or funny to look back on five years later as Parent-Child meetings.

Two Moments of Real Leadership in Less Than 24 Hours

In the 2015 Women’s World Cup Final, Carli Lloyd scored three spectacular goals in 15 minutes. She was the captain of the team that day. With 10 minutes left in the game, Abby Wambach came on to the field. Abby had been the captain of the team in the past and had been the best player in the world in the past, but now she was at the end of her career. Carli Lloyd went over to her and gave Abby the captain’s armband for the end of the game. Abby held the World Cup trophy after the game. Carli stepped back to allow Abby this moment.

To me, Carli Lloyd set a great standard of leadership not only for her team, but also for the millions of people who watched that game. Without saying a word, she said, “This effort is a team effort. Everyone from the past and the present is important. This is not about me.”

Venus Williams lost to her sister, Serena, in a hard-fought tennis match at the 2015 Wimbledon tennis tournament. Venus is older than Serena, and at one time in the past Venus was winning all the championships and Serena was considered to be the second best player in the family. After she lost, Venus hugged Serena for a long time and clearly encouraged her for her future matches at Wimbledon.

To me, Venus Williamsn set a great standard of leadership not only for this tournament, but for the millions of people who watched that moment. Without saying a word, she said, “It’s important to support others and encourage them even when the moment is not ours to be the victor.”

Two remarkably real moments in leadership less than 24 hours apart. W can learn so much from both of them.

A Letter to My Sister, Cathy, On How to Live an Excellent Life

My sister Cathy’s birthday is July 2nd. She passed away on April 23rd, 2015 after an 18-month battle with cancer. In honor of her birthday and in honor of the enormously positive impact she had on my life, I’m dedicating my next article to her.

It’s called “A Letter to My Sister, Cathy, on How to Live an Excellent Life.” I hope you gain value from it for your own life.

Here is the link: http://thecoughlincompany.com/cc_vol14_3.php.